I'm going into my senior (last) year of highschool, and this where the results of my work are going to show. To be honest, my focus has been swayed sometimes this year, but I've got myself back on track. If you know me personally, I'll be the last person to admit that I am feeling stressed, nervous, and anxious. Usually, I'll just will myself back on. I have this "it what it is" mindset, like a "next man up" mindset. In the NBA, when a player on the team gets injured, the team can't be down or sulk over that player not being able to play. The show must go on. Regardless of the injuries, you have to give 110% each night. And that's how I've been playing things lately. If I feel stressed about applying to college, controlling the amount of school work, managing healthy relationships with others, etc, I can't let the negative vibes deter me, because it'll only slow me down. But now that my dream is drawing near, I have to admit that I do feel nervous and stressed.
So many questions loom and cloud my mind. Like "What if I don't get into the school?" "Do I have a backup plan for that?" "Will that make me an imposter to everyone who thought I could do it?" "If I'm not the smart guy, then who am I?" "If I was that person who worked hard endlessly to only end up not attaining his dreams, then what does that make me look like?" It may seem questionable considering my beliefs, but these are still some things I unconsciously wonder about.
Something I've learned from the pandemic/quarantine is that going to church every Sunday was ever a chore for me. It is something that is desperately needed. Before, I would just think of it as "Oh, Sunday, alright let's get dressed up and go to church. You know the usual." But now, for the sake of spiritual and mental health, it is something that I need. Zoom church doesn't help, it really isn't the same.
I recommend listening to Chris Tomlin's "I Will Rise". There's a line in the song that reads, "My faith shall be my eyes." The Bible uses blind people to demonstrate faith well, and looking at it now, it's a great example. Think about it. The blind live in darkness. They put their trust/faith in the people who are helping them, the steps they take, and overall all of their actions. They have no choice because they're blind. God wants you to have complete faith in him the same way a blind person has faith in their actions. Our faith in God is stronger than the grips of this world. The harsh, cold realities have no power against our faith. Don't see with your eyes. See with your faith.
There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well
Jesus has overcome
The victory is won
There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes...
-Chris Tomlin, I Will Rise
