"Attainable" -Friday- 12/20/19
If our God is for us, then who could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, then what can stand against? Nothing can stop us. Nothing can stand against. Over the course of the last two months, I've been studying and posting about it here on the blog. I was fairly confident in myself, but still nervous when test day came. After the test, I was still kinda confident that I did well enough, meaning I thought I earned a 1400 at least. I thought that, for all my efforts put into this test, I would've got what I wanted. December 20, 2019... I open up my college board account, and see that I didn't even reach 1300. I received a 1270.. for my second time taking it. Although it is almost a 200 point improvement, I was still very very sad and emotional. I cried when I saw "12". I had a whole plan laid out for 2020. 2020 was going to be a very busy year, so I wanted to get the SATs over with. Unfortunately, I didn't get the score I wanted, and I'm going to have to take it again sometime soon. I know I talk about the dream schools a lot, but put that aside for now, I wasn't even concerned about that. I was upset because for the amount of effort, dreaded effort, I put into studying for this test, I only got a 1270.
I genuinely hate taking this test. I hate walking into Woodbridge High, I hate sitting down for test, I hate preparing for the test, and I hate waiting for the scores to come out. I know a number shouldn't define you, but for the dream schools, it kinda does. Honestly, I was upset. But, in ALL honesty, I moved on. I have to keep moving forward if I want the 1490. No sulking, no moping, no crying. I'm going to change something up, and I won't talk about the SAT on here anymore, I'll just move in silence.
Dear God,
Today wasn't the day. It really wasn't. I didn't get the score I wanted, nor the score did I think I deserved. I blamed it on you. I was questioning your plan. I am truly sorry. You see, that's really where I went wrong. You told me to follow YOUR plan. I chose to follow through with my own plan. But, I can't be dependent on myself. I need help. I need support. I need guidance. No more, will I attempt things on my own. No more, will I depend on my human capabilities. No more, will I fight my battles alone. That's why you're there. Not as a God, but as a friend. A friend that never leaves. I can't do these things on my own. Nobody said it was going to be easy. But you said, it would be easier with you. I'll trust in that. But, you did something today. You gave me an experience that I hope to hold true to myself, that I'm incapable of doing these things by myself. I went home and wanted to sulk and cry my disappointments out. What did you do? You gave me a package with the Cornell University pennant, and I know you gave that to me to remind me that my dreams are still attainable. I know I said to break the limits. I'm changing that. There are no limits to break. You are limitless, God. You don't put limits on your children. Therefore, I'll begin to trust in you. You're my portion. Forever.
